


Now or Never

by silentcreatures



Series: Chicago, IL [2]
Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent (Movies) RPF, Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Abnegation Faction, Amity Faction (Divergent), Book/Movie 1: Divergent, Book/Movie 2: Insurgent, Book/Movie 3: Allegiant, Dauntless Faction, Divergent Timelines, Inspired by Divergent, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:21:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28673649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentcreatures/pseuds/silentcreatures
Summary: Now following the 'Divergent' story, it's been two years since Amalia and Tobias learned that there was a plan brewing between Erudite and Dauntless; but the question was- when? Tobias wants to leave before initiation is over, wanting to take Amalia with him and take part in the uprising along side his mother. But Amalia can't decide what to do now with Abnegation transfer Tris Prior being an initiate. Yes, Abnegation is no longer part of Mal's life... but she feels an obligation to protect one of her own. Their own.
Relationships: Four | Tobias Eaton & Original Female Character(s), Uriah Pedrad/Tris Prior
Series: Chicago, IL [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101452
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

TWO YEARS LATER... 

Everything is the same as it was the last time I was here. All the factions are separated into their designated spaces of the room, the center sits the five ceremonial bowls each sixteen year old will be going up to today. But instead of standing amongst the quiet Abnegation as I did before, I’m walking into the Choosing Ceremony with the rowdy Dauntless. The faction I chose that day. 

It’s been two years since Tobias had found out his mother, the leader of the Factionless, was still alive. Two years since we’ve decided together we would leave Dauntless once we’ve found out what they and the Erudite were planning to do together. He believes we’re closer to the truth, that’s why I’m trying to absorb the rest of my days as a Dauntless as much as possible. 

“Why are we here again?” Tara complains, sitting in one of the many rows the Dauntless fill. She looks different now; tattoos on her neck and a few piercings on her face. “I could be drunk by now with the others.” 

“Because it’s ceremonial,” Mia smiles, locking her hand around Tara’s. 

I was happy to see they finally came together after a year of flirting and watching each other date other people. Especially since we’re all roommates. But now because they’re a couple, I’ve been kicked out most days and forced to bunk with Tobias. 

“And because I wanted to see my brother,” I grin at them. Today my little brother, Ethan, will be choosing which faction he chooses to spend the rest of his life in. I’ve only seen him a handful of times since my last trip to Abnegation my initiation year, but I’m certain he’ll be staying where he is. He’s always seemed too Abnegation for his own good.

“Do you see him?” Mia tries to look through the sea of people. 

“Why are you looking? You don’t even know what he looks like” Tara snorts. 

Mia ignores her. “He has to look like Mal. Tall, strong jaw, curly hair.” 

“That could be anyone” Tara starts to look over the sea of people herself. 

I roll my eyes, but do as they are. It’s not hard to find the grey clothed drones sitting quietly or talking in hushed voices amongst themselves. It’s the deciding who’s who in the short line of waiting teenagers to be called.

I think I see him until someone else catches my eye. Natalie Prior stands in front of the children choosing today, I almost forgot that she has two of her own Ethan’s age. It always seemed strange to me that they were born the same year, but not twins. It feels just like yesterday when I was standing in that very line, probably as nervous as they look.

While I’m looking in their direction, Natalie glances in the Dauntless seating area and finds me. She smiles and offers a small wave, both her children look to see who she’s waving to but all I do is nod. 

“Who’s that?” Mia asks over my shoulder. 

I lean back down and look towards the bowls. “One of my old neighbors, I guess her kids are choosing today, too.” 

“Fun” Mia claps. 

“Riveting” Tara mocks, slouching in her chair. 

The room falls silent when whichever leader walks to the center of the room. I have to glance over shoulders to see, but I don’t bother to try anymore once I see a flash of grey clothing. Marcus Eaton. 

“Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony,” Marcus begins, “welcome to the day we honor the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in the world,” 

“Or woman” Tara mutters under her breath. 

“Or chooses how to handle their own children,” I say to myself. I can’t help but still be riled up by what he’s done to Tobias, how much of a toll he’s made on his own son. 

With that in mind, I look up at the open ceiling into the blue sky as a distraction. I really only came for one particular reason, not to listen to Marcus Eaton talk about tradition. 

It must be a while because the next words I hear are someone’s name, a boy from Dauntless. James Tucker. 

“It’s amazing how little you know of your own faction. I’ve never seen that kid in my whole life” Tara mumbles again, Mia jabs her with her elbow. 

We all watch James contemplate between the Candor and Dauntless bowls. He’s shaking with the blade in his hand. 

I’m not surprised to see he’s switched sides, he didn’t have the Dauntless stance as many of us do. A few people around me make comments; mostly mumbling “traitor.”

The names go on and on, the initiates this year mostly stay where they come from. Only a few people have picked Dauntless, which they’ve always seen as a good sign. We like looking intimidating. 

I just think it’s one less person to worry about when Dauntless and Erudite finally come together. 

“Prior, Caleb” Marcus reads from a card. He’s one of Natalie’s kids, I only have one memory of him: at school, however many years ago, he accidentally knocked down a row of books in the library. I offered to help him pick them up, but he refused. I remember how quick the flushing of his cheeks became, how vibrant the red stood out through his pale skin. 

Audible gasps come from Abnegation when he chooses Erudite. I myself am taken back by his decision; we’re taught from a young age that the Erudite were not good people because they believed in vanity and now a leaders’ son decides to join them.

It makes me feel a bit of triumph for him. It takes bravery to stand up to your faction. 

“Prior, Beatrice” Marcus calls next. 

All my memories of Beatrice are short, she was a toddler the last time we had an actual interaction. The other times were simple hello and goodbyes. Or nods. 

Something is awfully familiar about watching her; she stands between the Abnegation and Dauntless bowls. She doesn’t shake, she just contemplates quietly with the blade ready to cut into her palm. She reminds me of myself. 

“Dauntless” Marcus announces, the sound of the sizzling coals echoing from here. Our faction claps and whoops for our new member, I’m in a bit of a shock. That was a little too much like my own choosing. 

“Think you two will be friends?” Mia smiles at me. “She looks like a fighter, just like you.” 

I force myself out of my gaze to look at Mia. “Yeah, I don’t know. We’ll see if she even makes the first cut.” 

“Is this sort of a bet?” Tara smirks. 

“What’s with you and liking losing your credits? Mia rolls her eyes. 

“I’ll stop betting when I actually win one” Tara replies simply, pecking Mia’s lips. 

I try to focus my attention back on the initiates, there’s only a handful left; we should be closer to the C’s. 

Six more...  
Five more...  
Four more...  
Three more...  
Two more...  
One more...

“Calaway, Ethan.” He’s amongst the last of the initiates to choose, the third to last. 

I shouldn’t be worried, I know he’s smart enough not to choose a faction because of someone else. He’d choose whatever he feels suits him best, just like what he told me the day before the Ceremony. 

I watch him flinch when the knife cuts into him. He looks older than the last time I saw him, taller and broader. The clothes he wears are too big for him, but that’s because Ester buys clothes for room to grow.

“Abnegation” Marcus announces. Relief runs through me; he’s safe. Ester has gotten too old for her scolding, and now he’ll be living away from her so I don’t have to worry about that. He’s away from Erudite and the Dauntless- that’s all I could’ve asked for. 

“Are you happy about this?” Mia asks. 

I look at her with a grin, my eyes beginning to sting from the tears that try to fall. “Yeah. Really happy.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Dauntless fill the streets of our city with ease; all running happily towards the train platform. 

“Do you think they’re going to make it?” Tara asks as the three of us run in the same stride, Mia used to pushing herself to keep up with her short legs. 

“The initiates?” I ask, breathless. “We’ll see how they feel about moving trains.” 

When we come to an abrupt stop, Mia takes my arm with a wide smile. 

“Mal! Do you remember? This is where we first met.” 

I look around my surroundings. We’re filled in a sea of black clothed people but I understand what she means. “You were scared out of your mind” I smirk. 

“How else are you supposed to feel when you’re told you’ll be jumping onto a moving train?” Mia rolls her eyes. 

Tara wraps an arm around her. “I was excited.” 

“So was I, but still terrified” I chuckle. 

I look behind me to try to see if Beatrice caught up with the group. It’s useless, the girl’s even shorter than Mia. 

“Let’s go!” Someone yells from the front of the pack. We all start to run up the steels steps, occasionally having to bump someone out of the way but I’m used to that now. I can’t help but laugh when I hear the scared voices of transfer initiates behind us trying to figure out what they’ve gotten themselves into. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Uriah is so going to go first” Tara bets as we stand behind the initiates. It’s strange to have to watch this from afar rather than being part of their semicircle. 

Already, two people didn’t pass the first test of initiation. An Amity boy who never made it off the train, and a Dauntless-born girl who never made it on the roof. 

“Not without Lynn pushing him off the edge,” Mia chuckles quietly. We don’t dare to even try to distract anyone from Max’s speech. 

It’s the same gist as every year. From what I gather having to hear this welcoming speech two times now; Amar was more captivating when he was the one giving the introduction. 

“You want us to jump off a ledge?” An Erudite girl asks, her mouth is hanging open. 

“Yes” Max replies, smirking with amusement. 

“Is there water at the bottom or something?” 

“Who knows?” 

A few laughs come from around me. It is sort of funny to see how far their imaginations can go.

No one moves, they all look around awkwardly. Too familiar, I think.

That’s when I hear snickers from the initiates. I try to look around the small group in front of me, but I’m still not able to see...

Until the small girl with blonde hair steps onto the ledge where Max was just standing.

“Has a Stiff ever jumped first before?” Someone behind me asks out loud. 

“Once, a few years ago” someone replies. 

“She’s right here,” Tara slaps my back. I roll my eyes at her, flinching at the subtle pain. 

Beatrice looks over her shoulder towards the crowd then down to the black hole you can hardly make out with the sun shining down. It only takes a few seconds for her to jump off the roof. It takes a few seconds after that for the other initiates to line up behind a tall Candor girl who steps on the ledge next. 

“What’s with you Abnegation transfers that makes you borderline crazy?” Tara looks at me bewildered. 

I shrug. “I guess we feel like we have a lot of life to catch up on.” 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The cafeteria is louder than usual. It is a holiday, after all. But it feels louder now with excited Dauntless-born initiates sitting together at their own table. 

I sit with Shauna and Zeke, Mia and Tara sit with their other friends at the table across from us. 

“Another Stiff, huh?” Shauna smirks at me. I’m just absently ripping apart my bread roll. 

“I guess so. She doesn’t look like she’s going to break easily” I grin. 

“Uriah is an embarrassment for not trying to go first, and not even second” Zeke groans, sipping his alcohol. 

“To be fair, they were pushing each other up there” I gesture upwards. 

“Wait- here they come” Shauna pushes Zeke a bit to get a better look towards the entrance of the cafeteria. Everyone around starts to clap and whoop for them, but all I can see is Tobias looking embarrassed by the attention. 

He hasn’t changed much in the last two years; just stronger and has gained more respect around the faction. Except from Eric, we all have to kiss up to our “fearless leader”.

When Tobias’s blue eyes look towards me, I smile and give him a mock applause. He rolls his eyes but smirks, sitting down at the initiate table. 

We learned after his first group last year that it’s better to not show our relationship in front of them. It shows that there’s a line between instructor and friend, they should only see him one way during training.

“She’s tiny,” Shauna snorts. 

“It means she’s quicker on her feet” I sit back down and pour the red sauce on my burger. 

“But still, tiny” Shauna adds.

“Four’s got a good looking group this year. That tall Candor boy is probably going to do some damage” Zeke joins in. 

“Want to make it interesting?” Shauna smirks at him. 

“Another bet?” I roll my eyes. 

“It’s fun,” Shauna scolds, telling Zeke her idea. 

I turn my body again to look at the initiate table. Four looks to be making small talk with Beatrice and the tall Candor girl who jumped second. I can’t help but wish I was there with him, but I’m sure to hear of it all later tonight. 

Everyone suddenly goes quiet when someone walks into the dining hall; I look over my shoulder again to see Eric walking past all the stares and mutters towards Tobias.

People were angry when Max appointed someone so young to be one of the leaders. Even now, most of the faction wish for his resignation. 

I can’t hear from here, but Tobias tensely has a conversation with Eric. Short, nothing has yet to be broken. But I bet more than anything under the table Tobias is gripping his knees tightly. Ready to punch him or take the knife sitting on his plate. 

Once Eric walks away again, I squint my eyes at Four when he sees me watching. I shrug my shoulders, he shakes his head. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When the crowd of the Choosing Ceremony celebration thins, Tobias and I leave our friends to head back to his apartment. We both stopped drinking alcohol around the same time last year; I was told and read too many stories on substance abuse, he decided there were other ways to make his world more bearable. 

I sit on the end of his bed while he changes in the bathroom. Though I do have a few changes of clothes in his dresser, I still wear a pair of his boxers and a random shirt as my pajamas. 

“How are you feeling about your initiates this year?” I ask as a cover. My head feels like it’s in a bunch of different places.

“They all seem promising, but I think we have another Eric within the group. A transfer from Candor; Peter,” he hangs his towel on the back of the door then walks towards the bed, “I think I’m going to have to use all my strength not to hit him.”

“Hmm” I mumble. 

From the corner of my eye, I notice he tilts his head. His hand reaches out and curls his finger around my damp hair. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

I look up at him, trying to find the words. “What... what do you think the chances are of Beatrice being like us?” I don’t know why I’m still thinking about this girl. It just seems so out of the ordinary to have an Abnegation transfer; I now know how it felt two years ago when they had two instead of one. 

But if she is like me and Tobias... I don’t know what we could do to save her. We can barely save ourselves.

“I don’t want to assume anything, but she seems as strong as we were as initiates. I’ll be able to see the first day of stage two,” Tobias studies me before taking the spot on my side, “and she goes by Tris now.” 

“Tris,” I repeat with a grin, “it’s more Dauntless. I like it.”

“I guess. I told Amar to call me Stiff so they wouldn’t know I was related to Marcus; it was a way to escape my old life and step into the new” he shrugs. 

“So,” I look at him, turning my body so I’m facing him. “What did Eric want?” 

Tobias looks at me with a heavy sigh. “He came to ask why I haven’t followed up with any of the meetings Max has set for us.” 

I roll my eyes, a warmth starts to grow. “You know what? I’m really tired of Max using Eric as a middle man, and how hard is it to accept a ‘no’ as an answer? What is this, the seventh time?” My head shakes in frustration. 

He just watches me with amusement. “You shouldn’t be mad about this, too. There are other things for you to worry about.” He leans his face in, placing his lips against mine. 

I sigh against his mouth, my hand snaking to the back of his neck. “Like what?” I mumble. 

“Work, not dying, the usual” he places his hand on my side. My body twitches by the familiar warmth of his fingers; I’m still learning to be okay with the sudden touching. 

I pull away and give him a face. “Really? That’s what I should be worrying about?” 

“You know what I mean, Mal. This thing between Max and me shouldn’t bother you as much as it has already” he pushes some of my hair behind my ear. 

“I still have the right to worry” I mumble, moving past him to get to my side of the bed. He gets the wall while I get the open side, I tend to move around more in my sleep while he lays straight as a board. 

“I’m just worried that part of the reason why he keeps trying to meet with me is because he figured out what I’ve been doing” he admits while flopping onto his part of the bed, staring at the ceiling.

I lay against my pillow from my apartment; if you could call it “mine” anymore, with my roommates kicking me out more times than not. 

“You’ve been taking the precautions. There’s no way he’d figure it out. Besides, everyone’s job in the control room is to watch the cameras” I stare up at the rock ceiling with him.

Tobias’s heavy arm crosses my chest, his face is already squished against his pillow. “I guess so,” he whispers, “night, Mal.” 

I pull down on the chain of the lamp until the room goes dark. “Goodnight” I mumble, rubbing my thumb against his scabbed knuckles.


	3. Three

The next morning, I’m pulled from bed early to help Tobias set up the training room for their first day of stage one.

I really can’t look back fondly on those days; how badly I was beaten up by each initiate who was able to find my weaknesses with ease. The countless times I visited the infirmary... just thinking about my multiple bruised faces causes a shiver up my spine.

“Look alive, Stiff,” Tobias yells from across the room. I guess I was dozing off, the box of guns I’m holding was beginning to tip over.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, “all the guns go on the table?” I ask as loud as I can manage.

He looks at me with a smirk. “Yeah, all the guns on the table.”

I roll my eyes. “Just making sure. You’re the one who forced me here, remember?”

“I’m just trying to spend as much time as I can get with you alone” he starts to walk over to my side of the room, adjusting the tape around his hand.

“And at seven in the morning. How kind of you” I shake my head. When the guns are all lined up, I set the box down and sit on the edge of the table.

Tobias stops when he’s right in front of me, leaning his head down to press a few kisses against my lips.

That’s enough to wake me up.

“You going back to bed, then?” He tilts his head.

“I think I’ll just head to the office. Corinna will be ecstatic to see me there before she is for once” I manage to say through a yawn.

He chuckles. “Since you have all this spare time, want to practice with me? I need to make sure I have all the instructions down.”

“You’re not my instructor” I pucker my lips.

“Come on, I just want to make sure.” He makes his eyes go wider with the tilt of his head. He really does know how to win me over.

I groan. “You have all of the techniques recognized. You don’t need to practice, maybe just on your people skills, but not on your teaching.”

He rolls his eyes. “Arms up, Stiff.”

We stand a few feet apart so we don’t hit one another, but close enough to see each other’s movements; or close enough so he can correct whatever I do wrong.

He begins to yell out punches and kicks, I do exactly as I’m told and copy his exact stance- my arms up to protect my face and my feet moving with the punches. It may have been a while since I’ve practiced, but I don’t think I’ve lost my touch. I’ll still be able to win a fight whenever the time comes.

“You need work,” Tobias chuckles when we finish up, "you wouldn’t even make it past the first cut if you kept that up.”

I scoff. “I’m so sorry my job description doesn’t include using combat skills every day.” My hand wipes away the sweat running off my forehead.

“That’s why your instructor is here to help,” he gestures to himself. I can’t help but snort.

“I will take you down if you don’t quit it. I was ranked third on the ranks, remember?” I smirk.

“Is that a threat, Mal?” He uses the tone he saves for the initiates, low and stern.

“No, sir,” I shake my head trying to hold down my laughter.

Tobias is about to pounce at me when the doors of the room swing open. We both turn and stand straight when we see who it is. Max.

“Four,” he greets, “Amalia. Didn’t think I’d find you here this early.”

“I asked her to help set up for the first day, sir” Tobias speaks for me; I really hate that sometimes, but Max does like him better.

Max looks around the room, there were only the guns to be laid out here. Down the hall I watched him hang the chalkboard with everyone’s names written in their own squares.

“I was hoping I could speak with you privately about today, Four. Just wanting to remind you about a few protocols, reminders” he grins at the two of us.

I look at Tobias with my eyebrow cocked up. He nods, signaling for me to go.

“Have a nice day,” I force a grin towards Max then a nod towards Tobias before letting myself out of the training room.

When the door closes behind me, I lean against it to try to hear whatever Max really wanted to talk about. But they’re too far away and the door is too thick.

“Pointless” I mumble, walking out of the hall in case there’s any other unexpected visitors lurking close by. It wouldn’t be the first time.

...

“Thanks for coming in again, Reed. Same time next week?” I ask when we stand up at the same time

“See you then, Mal. And thanks for listening, I don’t think the others would’ve understood” Reed pushes her dyed bangs away from her face just as she pushes on the door to let herself out.

I sigh while wiping my hands off on my pants. My eyes rereading the notes I took during our conversation.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Corinna leans against the doorframe with her arms crossed, “how’s Four doing with his second year as an instructor? I did hear some talk about him almost being fired last year.”

I look up with a small grin. “That was only because there was a disagreement between him and Eric, but I think he’s doing okay,” I shuffle a stack of papers, “he seemed excited to start training again.”

“That’s great. And how are you doing? He being gone for most of the day can’t be good for your relationship” Corinna starts to use her patient voice. We all have one.

I try to hold any comments to myself, keeping any fists from being formed out of sight. “We’re fine, thank you for your concern. But there’s no need," my grin twitches, “I should be filing the paperwork.”

Her face immediately goes into a small panic. “I’m sorry for pushing. Just curious, you know how I can be. I’ll let you get to work, sorry again.” The door closes behind her.

I know I’ll have to apologize before leaving later on, there's a small ache of guilt low in my stomach. Being a social worker means being more sensitive- why is that so hard for me?

I take a seat and move around the mouse to make the screen of the computer turn back on. Tobias had to come over during my first week to show me how to use the computer properly. He couldn’t stop laughing when I pressed the wrong button or clicked the wrong link, my face turned as red as a tomato in the span of five minutes.

But he also programmed my computer to have every other person’s personal schedules with a login synced to a file hidden under a secret sign in.

When I learned that he was watching the cameras in Max’s office to try to find out more about his plans with Erudite, I knew I wanted to help. With much pleading, he helped make me a new account and gave me access to read Max’s daily planner.

Almost every day since then, I’d scan what he had planned; whenever he had a scheduled trip away from Dauntless, meetings, planned visits. We were able to learn the secret codes for the meetings by looking back at the surveillance footage.

The next morning, I’m pulled from bed early to help Tobias set up the training room for their first day of stage one.

I really can’t look back fondly on those days; how badly I was beaten up by each initiate who was able to find my weaknesses with ease. The countless times I visited the infirmary... just thinking about my multiple bruised faces causes a shiver up my spine.

“Look alive, Stiff,” Tobias yells from across the room. I guess I was dozing off, the box of guns I’m holding was beginning to tip over.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, “all the guns go on the table?” I ask as loud as I can manage.

He looks at me with a smirk. “Yeah, all the guns on the table.”

I roll my eyes. “Just making sure. You’re the one who forced me here, remember?”

“I’m just trying to spend as much time as I can get with you alone” he starts to walk over to my side of the room, adjusting the tape around his hand.

“And at seven in the morning. How kind of you” I shake my head. When the guns are all lined up, I set the box down and sit on the edge of the table.

Tobias stops when he’s right in front of me, leaning his head down to press a few kisses against my lips.

That’s enough to wake me up.

“You going back to bed, then?” He tilts his head.

“I think I’ll just head to the office. Corinna will be ecstatic to see me there before she is for once” I manage to say through a yawn.

He chuckles. “Since you have all this spare time, want to practice with me? I need to make sure I have all the instructions down.”

“You’re not my instructor” I pucker my lips.

“Come on, I just want to make sure.” He makes his eyes go wider with the tilt of his head. He really does know how to win me over.

I groan. “You have all of the techniques recognized. You don’t need to practice, maybe just on your people skills, but not on your teaching.”

He rolls his eyes. “Arms up, Stiff.”

We stand a few feet apart so we don’t hit one another, but close enough to see each other’s movements; or close enough so he can correct whatever I do wrong.

He begins to yell out punches and kicks, I do exactly as I’m told and copy his exact stance- my arms up to protect my face and my feet moving with the punches. It may have been a while since I’ve practiced, but I don’t think I’ve lost my touch. I’ll still be able to win a fight whenever the time comes.

“You need work,” Tobias chuckles when we finish up, "you wouldn’t even make it past the first cut if you kept that up.”

I scoff. “I’m so sorry my job description doesn’t include using combat skills every day.” My hand wipes away the sweat running off my forehead.

“That’s why your instructor is here to help,” he gestures to himself. I can’t help but snort.

“I will take you down if you don’t quit it. I was ranked third on the ranks, remember?” I smirk.

“Is that a threat, Mal?” He uses the tone he saves for the initiates, low and stern.

“No, sir,” I shake my head trying to hold down my laughter.

Tobias is about to pounce at me when the doors of the room swing open. We both turn and stand straight when we see who it is. Max.

“Four,” he greets, “Amalia. Didn’t think I’d find you here this early.”

“I asked her to help set up for the first day, sir” Tobias speaks for me; I really hate that sometimes, but Max does like him better.

Max looks around the room, there were only the guns to be laid out here. Down the hall I watched him hang the chalkboard with everyone’s names written in their own squares.

“I was hoping I could speak with you privately about today, Four. Just wanting to remind you about a few protocols, reminders” he grins at the two of us.

I look at Tobias with my eyebrow cocked up. He nods, signaling for me to go.

“Have a nice day,” I force a grin towards Max then a nod towards Tobias before letting myself out of the training room.

When the door closes behind me, I lean against it to try to hear whatever Max really wanted to talk about. But they’re too far away and the door is too thick.

“Pointless” I mumble, walking out of the hall in case there’s any other unexpected visitors lurking close by. It wouldn’t be the first time.

...

“Thanks for coming in again, Reed. Same time next week?” I ask when we stand up at the same time

“See you then, Mal. And thanks for listening, I don’t think the others would’ve understood” Reed pushes her dyed bangs away from her face just as she pushes on the door to let herself out.

I sigh while wiping my hands off on my pants. My eyes rereading the notes I took during our conversation.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Corinna leans against the doorframe with her arms crossed, “how’s Four doing with his second year as an instructor? I did hear some talk about him almost being fired last year.”

I look up with a small grin. “That was only because there was a disagreement between him and Eric, but I think he’s doing okay,” I shuffle a stack of papers, “he seemed excited to start training again.”

“That’s great. And how are you doing? He being gone for most of the day can’t be good for your relationship” Corinna starts to use her patient voice. We all have one.

I try to hold any comments to myself, keeping any fists from being formed out of sight. “We’re fine, thank you for your concern. But there’s no need," my grin twitches, “I should be filing the paperwork.”

Her face immediately goes into a small panic. “I’m sorry for pushing. Just curious, you know how I can be. I’ll let you get to work, sorry again.” The door closes behind her.

I know I’ll have to apologize before leaving later on, there's a small ache of guilt low in my stomach. Being a social worker means being more sensitive- why is that so hard for me?

I take a seat and move around the mouse to make the screen of the computer turn back on. Tobias had to come over during my first week to show me how to use the computer properly. He couldn’t stop laughing when I pressed the wrong button or clicked the wrong link, my face turned as red as a tomato in the span of five minutes.

But he also programmed my computer to have every other person’s personal schedules with a login synced to a file hidden under a secret sign in.

When I learned that he was watching the cameras in Max’s office to try to find out more about his plans with Erudite, I knew I wanted to help. With much pleading, he helped make me a new account and gave me access to read Max’s daily planner.

Almost every day since then, I’d scan what he had planned; whenever he had a scheduled trip away from Dauntless, meetings, planned visits. We were able to learn the secret codes for the meetings by looking back at the surveillance footage.

The next morning, I’m pulled from bed early to help Tobias set up the training room for their first day of stage one.

I really can’t look back fondly on those days; how badly I was beaten up by each initiate who was able to find my weaknesses with ease. The countless times I visited the infirmary... just thinking about my multiple bruised faces causes a shiver up my spine.

“Look alive, Stiff,” Tobias yells from across the room. I guess I was dozing off, the box of guns I’m holding was beginning to tip over.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter, “all the guns go on the table?” I ask as loud as I can manage.

He looks at me with a smirk. “Yeah, all the guns on the table.”

I roll my eyes. “Just making sure. You’re the one who forced me here, remember?”

“I’m just trying to spend as much time as I can get with you alone” he starts to walk over to my side of the room, adjusting the tape around his hand.

“And at seven in the morning. How kind of you” I shake my head. When the guns are all lined up, I set the box down and sit on the edge of the table.

Tobias stops when he’s right in front of me, leaning his head down to press a few kisses against my lips.

That’s enough to wake me up.

“You going back to bed, then?” He tilts his head.

“I think I’ll just head to the office. Corinna will be ecstatic to see me there before she is for once” I manage to say through a yawn.

He chuckles. “Since you have all this spare time, want to practice with me? I need to make sure I have all the instructions down.”

“You’re not my instructor” I pucker my lips.

“Come on, I just want to make sure.” He makes his eyes go wider with the tilt of his head. He really does know how to win me over.

I groan. “You have all of the techniques recognized. You don’t need to practice, maybe just on your people skills, but not on your teaching.”

He rolls his eyes. “Arms up, Stiff.”

We stand a few feet apart so we don’t hit one another, but close enough to see each other’s movements; or close enough so he can correct whatever I do wrong.

He begins to yell out punches and kicks, I do exactly as I’m told and copy his exact stance- my arms up to protect my face and my feet moving with the punches. It may have been a while since I’ve practiced, but I don’t think I’ve lost my touch. I’ll still be able to win a fight whenever the time comes.

“You need work,” Tobias chuckles when we finish up, "you wouldn’t even make it past the first cut if you kept that up.”

I scoff. “I’m so sorry my job description doesn’t include using combat skills every day.” My hand wipes away the sweat running off my forehead.

“That’s why your instructor is here to help,” he gestures to himself. I can’t help but snort.

“I will take you down if you don’t quit it. I was ranked third on the ranks, remember?” I smirk.

“Is that a threat, Mal?” He uses the tone he saves for the initiates, low and stern.

“No, sir,” I shake my head trying to hold down my laughter.

Tobias is about to pounce at me when the doors of the room swing open. We both turn and stand straight when we see who it is. Max.

“Four,” he greets, “Amalia. Didn’t think I’d find you here this early.”

“I asked her to help set up for the first day, sir” Tobias speaks for me; I really hate that sometimes, but Max does like him better.

Max looks around the room, there were only the guns to be laid out here. Down the hall I watched him hang the chalkboard with everyone’s names written in their own squares.

“I was hoping I could speak with you privately about today, Four. Just wanting to remind you about a few protocols, reminders” he grins at the two of us.

I look at Tobias with my eyebrow cocked up. He nods, signaling for me to go.

“Have a nice day,” I force a grin towards Max then a nod towards Tobias before letting myself out of the training room.

When the door closes behind me, I lean against it to try to hear whatever Max really wanted to talk about. But they’re too far away and the door is too thick.

“Pointless” I mumble, walking out of the hall in case there’s any other unexpected visitors lurking close by. It wouldn’t be the first time.

...

“Thanks for coming in again, Reed. Same time next week?” I ask when we stand up at the same time

“See you then, Mal. And thanks for listening, I don’t think the others would’ve understood” Reed pushes her dyed bangs away from her face just as she pushes on the door to let herself out.

I sigh while wiping my hands off on my pants. My eyes rereading the notes I took during our conversation.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Corinna leans against the doorframe with her arms crossed, “how’s Four doing with his second year as an instructor? I did hear some talk about him almost being fired last year.”

I look up with a small grin. “That was only because there was a disagreement between him and Eric, but I think he’s doing okay,” I shuffle a stack of papers, “he seemed excited to start training again.”

“That’s great. And how are you doing? He being gone for most of the day can’t be good for your relationship” Corinna starts to use her patient voice. We all have one.

I try to hold any comments to myself, keeping any fists from being formed out of sight. “We’re fine, thank you for your concern. But there’s no need," my grin twitches, “I should be filing the paperwork.”

Her face immediately goes into a small panic. “I’m sorry for pushing. Just curious, you know how I can be. I’ll let you get to work, sorry again.” The door closes behind her.

I know I’ll have to apologize before leaving later on, there's a small ache of guilt low in my stomach. Being a social worker means being more sensitive- why is that so hard for me?

I take a seat and move around the mouse to make the screen of the computer turn back on. Tobias had to come over during my first week to show me how to use the computer properly. He couldn’t stop laughing when I pressed the wrong button or clicked the wrong link, my face turned as red as a tomato in the span of five minutes.

But he also programmed my computer to have every other person’s personal schedules with a login synced to a file hidden under a secret sign in.

When I learned that he was watching the cameras in Max’s office to try to find out more about his plans with Erudite, I knew I wanted to help. With much pleading, he helped make me a new account and gave me access to read Max’s daily planner.

Almost every day since then, I’d scan what he had planned; whenever he had a scheduled trip away from Dauntless, meetings, planned visits. We were able to learn the secret codes for the meetings by looking back at the surveillance footage.

As a cover, I have the notes from my day opened next to me when really the few clicks I make takes me to Max’s calendar.

Everything looks the same, meeting after meeting with the leaders. But on Friday there’s a ‘scheduled visit’, more than likely with Jeanine Matthews.

This week alone, she’s visited three other times. What else is there for them to discuss?

The more she visits, the more I’m on edge that she knows about my Divergence; or any others, for that matter. We’re constantly in fear of losing our lives because of the way we are. I’ll never understand why we’re seen as a threat because they’re not able to control us. Why they're so afraid.

With a few more clicks, I search to see if anything else has changed in his schedule for later in the upcoming weeks. Nothing but the usual meetings, but something catches my eye. I click on a day that’s close to the end of initiation. There’s a shipment to Dauntless from Erudite. When I try to click to see more, it shows that the link is locked. After that week, the rest of the month is clear.

Nothing else is scheduled.

I’d like to believe that there’s a malfunction in the computer or he hasn’t logged anything after that week. But after watching his schedule for two years, something’s wrong.

Panic runs through me, I feel my face flushing. What’s going to happen after initiation?

“Amalia?” A voice calls from behind the door, knocking. I almost jump out of my seat. “Vera is here for her appointment.”

I close out everything I had opened and log out of the account into my personal one.

Trying to seem composed, I clear my throat. “Come in.”


	4. Four

”Do you think she’s adjusting okay? It’s weird not being able to talk to her everyday” Shauna looks passed my shoulder towards someone beyond our table.

“Who are you talking about?” Zeke asks, oblivious as always.

“Lynn” Shauna groans while gesturing to her sister at the Dauntless-born initiate table.

I turn to see her watching Uriah and Marlene laugh together, ripping pieces of bread and dunking them inside their broth.

“She seems okay to me” I try a grin. “It’s only the first day, you’ll have visiting day soon and the outings after that.”

“Easy for you to say. You can actually talk to her-“ she stops and her eyes go wide like she just had an idea. “You can actually talk to her,” she repeats, “maybe you can ask how she’s doing then come tell me what she says. Like at one of those meetings you always have or whatever.”

I squint my eyes at her. “I’m not going to harass her into meeting me. If she wants to talk to me, then she can. But I really think you need to let her adjust just like how we did.”

Shauna rolls her eyes. “I hate it when you talk therapist.”

“Social worker, not therapist” I correct with a smile, taking a bite of my food.

A tray falls on my side, Tobias fills the seat with his back hunched.

The three of us look at him with three different looks. Mine is a mixture of concern and a need to talk to him privately, Shauna looks eager to ask if he’d talk to Lynn, and Zeke looks excited to talk about the initiates. It gives him a thrill to know about them before everyone else.

“What?” Tobias looks at us before stuffing his mouth with dinner.

“How bad were they? Anyone get shot?” Zeke leans across the table with a wide smile stuck on his face.

“Unfortunately no one got shot today. But they all seem decent. The Stiff will need lots of work to keep up” he glances at me then back down at his food.

I glance over my shoulder towards the transfer table. There’s already small groups formed, friendships being made. Tris is smiling with the tall Candor girl, they’re listening to an Erudite boy. That’s not something you can see everyday; an Erudite getting along with an Abnegation.

“And it’s only the beginning” Zeke rubs his hands against each other.

“You just want to see how each initiate is so you can start placing bets” Shauna rolls her eyes.

“I don’t see any harm in that” Zeke plants a kiss against her cheek. She makes a face and wipes the slobber off.

Four and I exchange a look, though I do feel like I could burst with what I learned from the computer; a grin spreads across my face.

“Anything interesting happened after I left?” I ask loud enough for him to hear.

“Not much,” he shrugs, “I did point a loaded gun at one of their heads.”

“Like I said,” I shake my head with a chuckle, “you need to work on your people skills.”

...

I’m alone in Tobias’s apartment for almost over an hour by the time he comes back up after his meeting with Eric to talk about the initiates and putting himself through his fear landscape again.

“I need to tell you something” I finally let out the words I’ve been holding down since this afternoon. The news has been clawing at me to release, it's a wonder of its own how I was able to keep it in for that long.

Tobias is standing in his kitchen with a glass of water in his hand, studying me from afar. “What’s wrong?” He walks over and sits on his desk chair.

“I was going through the schedule again and found something odd” my eyes are locked on his, my hands gripping the sheets.

I tell him about the last week of initiation. How there’s a shipment the day before the banquet from Erudite and how the rest of the month is empty. And this coming from a man who likes to plan out everything.

He understands why I find it odd and stays quiet for a few long moments. “I’m planning on going to the control room tomorrow. I think I almost have the right code to his password, just one more check to be safe.”

“So this means it’s almost time?” I ask a bit further away, “then we leave?”

Tobias sighs, taking my hands into his. “You know we can’t stay here if anything happens. It’s selfish, I know, but we have to get out before their plans go into action.”

I meet his eyes, they seem blacker than blue now in the faint lighting. “I know. It’s just... a lot to deal with.”

He leans in and presses a kiss against my forehead. “I know. But soon we’ll be close to finding a safe haven.” He gets out of the chair and into the bathroom, flicking on the light and turning on the faucet of the shower.

“Safe,” I mumble, “whatever that means.”


	5. Five

For the last few days, I've been more on edge. Before I turn a corner, I check to make sure no one's watching. I'm constantly glancing at cameras whenever Tobias and I talk in the hallways. At any given moment; there can be an alteration to Jeanine and Max's plan—whatever it is—that no one is prepared for. How is one supposed to prepare for something they don't know what's coming?

Tobias has been the calmer one, or just the one who's better at staying calm under certain circumstances even if it's total chaos in his head. But he's managed to also keep me calm, giving me distractions. Like tonight.

Every year during initiation, one of the leaders and a group of Dauntless take all the initiates on a late night game of capture the flag. I remember winning my year because of Tobias's strategy, but skipped last year because bed seemed like a more compelling option. Tonight I'm being dragged along to join in with the ceremonial festivities.

"It's freezing" I groan, my hands rubbing against each other in the pocket of my hoodie and the hood up covering my messy curls. I was taking a nap before being pulled off the bed.

"It's not that bad," Shauna smirks next to me, bouncing on her heels. "I guess that's only because I'm used to it by now."

"Lucky you," my eyes roll.

We, and a group of other Dauntless, stand by the tracks while waiting for the rest of the group to wake up the initiates for the game. It's almost summer but the nights are still cold, especially after midnight.

"Here they come!" Someone yells. The sound of a running group kicking rubble starts and everyone I'm surrounded by starts to get hyped. Anything that involves a game causes a particular sort of ruckus amongst the Dauntless.

I spot Tobias running alongside Eric, he has a mixture of sternness and excitement across his face. There's always pride within him whenever he beats Eric in something. Ever since we were initiates.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric shouts. There's a stampede towards the table holding the paintball boxes and guns we only use for this particular purpose.

I'm pushed by the group, snagging what I can when my body bumps into the table and rejoining the herd. This time I'm in eyeshot of Tobias, he gives me a small smile when our eyes meet.

"Time estimate?" Eric asks Tobias.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?" Four asks after glancing at his watch.

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" Eric smiles while shoving Tobias's shoulder.

When the train comes, Tobias is the first one to jump on to help whoever needs the assistance. I wait for the group to move and start jogging behind them, keeping stride with the train. Tobias looks at me with a chuckle and pulls me in when I extend my arm. He holds onto me for a moment as our bodies collide.

"I didn't need your help, you just happened to be in the way" I smirk.

"My apologies. I'll make sure to get out of the way next time," he grins then drops his hand from mine to address the group.

He clears his throat while adjusting the strap of his gun across his chest. "We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members. Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same. This is a Dauntless tradition, I suggest you take it seriously."

"What do we get if we win?" Someone shouts from the other end of the car.

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," he raises an eyebrow, "you get to win, of course."

I move behind a few people to lean against the wall, letting the cool metal ease the slight pounding in my head fade away.

"Four and I will be your team captain," Eric speaks up, "let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"

The clustered transfers all glance at each other, I don't think most of them would want to be on Eric's team.

"You go first," Four suggests.

Eric shrugs his shoulders, not waiting a beat. "Edward."

Four scans the crowd, as if he's trying to come up with his strategy here and now. But he already knows what to do; to pick whoever's quick enough.

"I want the Stiff," he settles his eyes on Tris for a moment then looks back at Eric. There's a few chuckles around the car.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks with a smirk. "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

Tobias shrugs, a bit smug. "Something like that."

They go back and forth for a bit, giving the snide comments but keeping it brief. There's a short moment Eric looks at me with a smirk, as if he's going to pick me for his group, but ends up picking someone beside me. I'm sure he believes having a Stiff on his team would lessen his chances of winning.

Tobias's team jumps out of the rain first while it takes a low turn. I'm slightly impressed that the initiates are slowly getting the hang of not tumbling like how they did on their first day.

I'm walking beside Lauren and Uriah when I notice Marlene trying her flirtation on Tobias. Smirking as he barely acknowledges the hand she places on his shoulder. I can't help but snort at the sight.

"When your team won, where did you put the flag?" Marlene bats her eyelashes. Even Uriah lets out a low groan.

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," he speaks as if it's nothing.

"Come on, Four," she whines. Tobias shrugs off her hand and looks at me with a bit of twinkle in his eyes. Must be one of the few working lights helping us guide through the streets.

"Navy Pier," I speak up, everyone turns to look at me. "We kept the flag at the old carousel."

"Zeke was on that team too," Uriah bumps my arm with his trademark smile. A smile that can make anyone feel good inside.

"Let's go there then," Will suggests.

Because no one objects to the idea, we all start walking towards the Pier. Nothing but low chatter and our shoes hitting the broken rubble fills our ears.

"Mal," Uriah lightly hits his shoulder with mine, "it sucks not being able to hang out with you guys anymore."

"I miss watching you stuff piles of cake in your mouth," I chuckle. An arm rubs my other side, I look to see Four walking beside me now. He keeps his face forward and finger on the trigger of his gun, but it's nice to have some time with him here, too.

"It's my one talent the girls can't resist," Uriah wiggles his eyebrows. Marlene—now on his other side— snorts.

"Can't resist the vomit in their throats. I don't know how you keep all that crap inside you"

"What has cake ever done to you?" Uriah makes a face.

Once we cross another bridge into a different part of the city, the large wheel people used to ride comes into view. The sound of the cars dangling in the air squeak as the wind pushes them back and forth.

"Think about it. People used to ride that thing. For fun," Will shakes his head in light disgust.

"They must have been Dauntless," Tris mumbles.

"Yeah, but a lame version of Dauntless," Christina laughs. "A Dauntless Ferris wheel wouldn't have cars. You would just hang on tight with your hands, and good luck to you."

I look up at the wheel, the moon reflecting off the top but you can barely see all the small bars in the middle of the structure. What would it be like if it was still running, I think. If this whole part of the city was rebuilt and not in shambles?

That may be too big to even think about, to imagine.

The carousel is as broken as I remembered. All the horses are falling apart, some don't even have heads. There's a faint smell of manure that tickles my nose.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location," Four takes the glowing flag from his pocket. "I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."

Will steps forward to snag the flag from Tobias's hand.

"Some people should stay here and guard, and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," Will suggests again.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlene takes the flag from his loose grip. "Who put you in charge, transfer?"

"No one," Will lowers his voice, "but someone's gotta do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," Christina joins in.

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah rolls his eyes, "I vote we go all out. Hide the flag well enough so that they can't find it."

The initiates continue their debate on what to do with the flag. I stand with the other Dauntless who are mostly here for whatever defense help they'll be needing when they figure out a place.

My head leans on a pole while I lean against a horse. It's one of the only ones stable enough not to fall over. Tobias meets my eyes a few times, but he keeps watch on the argument. Even in a game, he has to keep the initiates safe.

I'm about to shut my eyes after tuning out the argument when I notice a bobbling blonde head walking away from the group. As if she has a plan of her own.

"Four," I mumble a few times to catch his attention. It's low but I was just aiming for him to see my mouth moving. His eyebrow cocks when I gesture to Tris walking off. Without a word, he turns to follow.

"So, Mal," Lauren sits on one of the broken horses. Her gun slings behind her with her arms crossed over her chest. "How's the therapist life treating you?"

"There's a difference between therapy and social work, you know that," I grin, "and it's going fine. How's training going?"

"Same old, same old. Having to deal with these mongrels day in and day out." We watch the group continue their conversation. Looks to be getting heated, there's a lot of arm gestures.

"I'm sure I'll be seeing a few of them around the office when stage two of training comes around," a yawn releases from me.

I don't know what they've decided, but a few of them walk away from the group. The others spread apart. I glance in the direction of where Tobias and Tris went, no clue where they could've gone.

"Hi," the tall transfer takes the horse in front of me, "I don't think we've met, but I'm Christina. Candor transfer."

I grin, it sort of feels like I already know her from the small stories Tobias tells at the table every night. "We haven't. I'm Amalia."

"That's a pretty name," she lifts her legs across to the horse opposite of her, "mine's so ordinary." 

"I like Christina," I shrug, "haven't met one yet."

She chuckles. "So what do you do in Dauntless? I've only seen you at meal times and I think with Four a couple of times."

I'm taken a bit off guard; even though my job consists of talking, I'm not always prepared to talk about myself. "I'm a social worker, actually. And the seasonal social worker for the transfers."

Christina makes a face. "That doesn't sound very Dauntless."

I shrug. "It's one of the required professions each faction needs to have. I've actually been meaning to meet with the transfers to introduce myself, but work always gets in the way."

She nods in thought, her lips forming a pucker. "So what's the deal with you and Four? Have you guys been together for long?"

I blink a few times, taken off guard again by this question. Candor are the ones who ask everything and anything they can conjure up in their heads. "Don't you think asking about your instructor's personal life is a little..."

"Inappropriate?" Lauren offers, narrowing her eyes at Christina.

"Sorry," Christina's eyes widen, "I didn't mean to cross a line. Just curious, I guess."

"It's fine," I sigh, "I'm just not used to talking about myself. Even after being part of Dauntless for a few years."

She nods in an understanding way. "It's weird that you're all so young yet have the upper hand. What are you, three years older than us?"

"Two," I grin. "You won't feel that way once initiation is over."

Initiation is over. I feel my stomach sink; a cold sweat starting to fall against my skin. I'm reminded again that something is coming, and there's a possibility she and the rest of the initiates won't know what it's even like being part of Dauntless.

"Hey," Lauren stops me from drowning in worry. I look to see what she's pointing at, the ferris wheel is moving. A loud cranking noise fills the void of the quiet night. "What the hell," she groans.

"Like that won't make Eric's team figure out where we are," Marlene shoots at a horse head laying on the ground.

"Why wasn't I invited? I would've taken a ride," Uriah pouts.

Not even a few minutes later, Tobias and Tris come running towards us. There's excitement written all over his face while Tris limps to keep up with him.

"Where'd the others go?" Tobias asks, panting.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel?" Lauren asks loudly. "What the hell are you guys thinking? You might as well have just shouted, "Here we are! Come and get us!"" She shakes her head in a scolding way. "If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?"

"The wheel doesn't matter," Four shakes his head, "we know where they are."

I squint my eyes towards him, what exactly did happen up there?

"We?" Christina asks, her eyes switching from Tobias to Tris.

"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the ferris wheel to look for the other team." Tobias crosses his arms over his chest.

"What do we do now, then?" One of the other Dauntless-born initiates asks through a yawn.

Now everyone looks at the two of them expectantly. They most likely wonder what they've compiled together after climbing the wheel, I wonder if Tobias is alright from the height and if something really did happen when no one was looking.

I know I can trust him, but can I trust her? It's pointless to allow jealousy invade me after everything we've been through together, but it sits within me uncomfortably.

"Split in half," Tris says. "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag."

I nod. It seems like a good plan, something a Dauntless would've come up with.

"Sounds good," Lauren claps her hands together, "let's get this night over with, shall we?"

Tris, Christina and Uriah are the group of three who aim for the flag. I run alongside Tobias to attack the other team waiting for our arrival.

"Are you mad?" Tobias asks, glancing at me.

"Well did you do anything I should worry about?" I ask through a pant.

"Of course not. I just needed to know you know nothing happened."

"Four-" I moan, but stop when I hear a few gun shots.

We're right in the outfields of the park, near the opening surrounded by trees. There's a few yells from the opposing team, the sound of paintballs hitting pavement grow louder and louder as we get closer.

"Two on either side," Tobias orders our group. Lauren and the other transfer take one side while Tobias and I take the other. I hold the gun steady in my hands, sort of eager to hit something.

"Cover me," Tobias instructs, holding the gun up already and moving towards the shouting. I sigh and replicate his movements.

A few shots miss us by inches, I spot a few people and shoot them right in the head while walking closer to wherever the flag is located. A few shouts come from the other side of the park, I can only assume Eric's team now noticed their three attackers.

I shoot a few others on the way, a jolt of excitement passes through me. For the first time in a while, I feel happy about where I am and reminded of why I joined Dauntless in the first place. If I stayed in Abnegation, I would've been sleeping by now or folding laundry for fun.

"Hey, Mal,'' a husky voice yells. I glance over my shoulder with my gun ready to shoot when a paintball explodes against my neck. I groan, pushing through the slight sting to shoot aimlessly towards wherever the shot came from.

"You okay?" Tobias asks a few feet away, shooting at whoever he sees nearby. I sniffle and nod, catching up to his side.

"I can't wait to see his face when he loses again," I mumble loud enough for him to hear.

"One of the reasons why I'm still an instructor," Four smirks.

Yells of triumph come from the center of the park, Christina holds up the glowing flag proudly while the rest of our team surround her. I can't help but smile like it's infectious, slinging my gun behind me again and standing right on the outside of the group.

"Congrats on yet another victory," I smile at Tobias, bumping his arm with my own.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "It was all Tris, I just gave her a little shove."

I look into the crowd to spot the familiar blonde standing on the outside of the group, too. She grins with her hands folding in front of her; a familiar Abnegation stance.

Without really a second thought, I walk over to her with a grin. "Hey," I bump her in a friendly way, "congratulations on the win."

She looks up at me with a grin of her own, her expression is slightly confused at the sight of me—as if she knows me from somewhere yet can't place me—but turns it back into a soft look. "Thank you."

We stand side by side, watching the group celebrate their win. I feel Tris keep glancing at me. All she has to do is ask the question, I'd give her the answers.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"What do you mean you don't drink anymore?" Lauren asks as she and the other Dauntless pass around a brown bottle. We all sit with our backs against the train's walls, talking over the wind rushing in and out of the doors.

"I stopped about a year ago," I chuckle, "the stories freaked me out."

"You really believe all that? You're still such a Stiff," she rolls her eyes.

"Wait," Christina asks from the other side of the car, we're not that far apart. "You're from Abnegation?"

I look at her with a quiet sigh, I only hope she loses her intrusiveness over time. "Yes. But I barely see myself that way anymore, me being called a Stiff is rare nowadays," I glare at Lauren who giggles into another conversation.

"You two must know each other, that sector isn't that big," Christina looks from me to Tris a couple of times before settling back on me. Tris turns a soft pink; I know exactly how she feels.

"Maybe. It's hard to remember those days," I admit. After my years with Tara as one of my closest friends, I've learned to keep my lying tells away from the Candor eye. I don't think she's been able to tell for over a year now.

"Well, that's cool. I didn't think there were any other Abnegation transfers in Dauntless," Christina grins then turns back to listen to whatever Will has to say with Al, a rather tall boy who was suckered into joining Eric's group.

Tris turns when Uriah and Marlene catch her attention. I don't even bother to wipe away the grin that forms on my face, it's nice to see them all interacting. Just like when I befriended Shauna and Zeke during our year as initiates, it's as if life is replicating again.

"How's your neck?" Tobias asks when he sits beside him. He hangs his legs out of the car with his arm gripping the side of the door tight enough for his knuckles to turn white.

"Is pink not my color?" I chuckle, leaning my head on the wall to study his features. The moon shines on his face just right to make his face more defined.

He smirks, shaking his head at me then back to watch the passing city. Everything's shut off at night to conserve energy except for the main building in the distance that's growing smaller and smaller as we head towards the Dauntless Compound.

"Are you happy you came?" Our eyes meet again, his mouth is now formed into a subtle grin. It's taking a lot of my tired body to not lean in to kiss him right now.

"Yes, I am," I inch towards him a bit, but not in an obvious way for people to glance. "Thank you for getting me out of the compound."

Tobias sighs, as if he's reminded again of why he wanted to distract me in the first place. "We both needed to escape for a little while."


	6. Six

Today is once against Visiting Day. The last day of stage one and a reminder to the initiates that they can’t seem too attached to their families to show they really did choose Dauntless as their faction. They take the saying “faction before blood” a little too literal here. 

Before I head to the train, I let myself into the training room to tell Tobias where I’m going. I know his plan for today-going to the training room and to Max’s office-but the plan of me leaving to visit my brother was something I kept secret until now. 

I’m welcomed by the sound of loud grunts and someone getting punched in the gut. There’s just a momentary flashback of me getting punched in the face. 

A few people glare, wondering who I am. Christina offers a little wave when our eyes meet; it’s nice that they don’t see me as a stranger anymore. 

“Hey,” I bump into Tobias. He’s working, I know that. We just have a promise not to keep things from each other anymore.

He looks over at me with his instructor face, his arms crossed over his chest. “What are you doing here?” He asks, glancing towards Eric who eyes us at the same time. 

“I wanted to let you know that I’m heading to Abnegation. They can’t stop me from visiting my brother.” I watch Edward body slam into his opponent, flinching at the yelp they make when a cracking noise sounds beneath them.

“Are you sure you should go? It’s been a while since you visited. How do you know Ethan even wants to see you again?” 

I stare at him with a bit of shock, a bit of anger. Did he not think I had a right to visit Ethan anymore? “Thanks for the support, Four.” 

“Mal” he sighs, but I’m already halfway across the room towards the doors. Right when I’m about to push, the door opens to allow Max inside. 

Our bodies are inches from colliding but I’m quick to move out of the way. 

“Oh, hello, Amalia” he grins down at me. 

“Afternoon, sir” I match his grin. “I was just leaving.” 

He looks at the group, I can tell he connects to someone because he gives a slight nod. “I shouldn’t keep you, have a nice Visiting Day.” He walks off without another word, I push open the swinging door to put as much distance between us as I can. 

...

I enter the busy Abnegation streets. There’s a small cluster of color spread amongst the gray, but I’m the only one dressed in black. Though I shouldn’t care anymore, my hair is put into the uniform knot I tied blindly on the train and my tattoos are covered by a long sweater and jacket. After all this time, I’m still afraid of what they’d think of me. 

People glance at me as I walk towards the main building where the initiates wait for their families to visit, if they visit at all. Some people, like the Erudite, see this faction as an embarrassment. They wouldn’t be caught dead within this sector. 

The reunions at Dauntless are usually happy. There’s laughs and smiles, the occasional tears. But here in Abnegation, the reunions are brief and quiet. Each family picks a space to talk in their low voices. I wonder what my and Ethan’s will be like since we haven’t talked in months. The last time was when I waited for him outside of the Second Levels building to get him alone. And only then we only had a few minutes to catch up.

But as time went on, he’s slowly become more like a Stiff everyone sees them as. He talks in a monotone voice, our secret hugs are only for a few seconds when they used to last minutes. If he’s changed more after being an initiate, maybe Tobias was right. How would I know if he’d actually want me here? 

When I find myself in the middle of the reunited families, I look to try to find the usual line of initiates who wait awkwardly for this event to end. I only know because I was part of that group during my first Visiting Day before joining Tobias in the training room. 

I’m about to try a different area when I notice a few grey clothed teenagers standing in the corner of the wooden building. One of them is tall, his brown hair cut off to Abnegation standards but has some texture on the top- little curls. 

“Ethan," I walk towards him. He does look different now close up, almost towering me. His brown eyes meet mine with a grin, stepping away from his friends. 

“Amalia, hello. I wasn’t aware that you were coming today,” Ethan nods as a greeting. I keep my arms at my sides, knowing now isn't the time to go in for a hug. 

“It is Visiting Day,” I grin, glancing around the room. People glance, most likely talking about us. “Want to go talk somewhere private?” I can tell he’s uncomfortable. He’s not used to the stares as much as I am yet. 

He nods once and leads me out of the room. Right when we step outside, I glance to see Marcus Eaton watching us. I haven’t seen him since my last visit, but today’s not the day to make a scene. There’s plenty of time for that. 

We sit on a patch of grass a few yards away from the group. It’s on a slight incline so my legs help me from sliding down. 

There’s a long silence between us; nothing but wind flowing through the trees. His sighing, my pulsing. I didn’t think there’d be a day that we’d be awkward around each other. 

“So,” I start, “you cut your hair.”

“They said it was too long. Marcus was saying I needed to start looking the part,” he lets his fingers run through the grass. 

I make a face. “Marcus? Why does he care?” 

“My volunteer work is an apprenticeship with him. I’m working to become part of the committee.” He has a proud smile across his face. I can’t help but feel sick at the thought. 

“Ethan,” I look over him with the softest face I can manage when I really feel the fire igniting in me again. “You can't trust him. I don’t think he should be part of the government at all.”

His smile disappears. “What do you know about Marcus that I don’t? He’s been kind to me, teaching me what I need to know about the factions and training me for what's to come. You don’t know anything.”

“Tobias is his son, remember? I think I know a little more than you do.” 

My brother, future leader of Abnegation? Working alongside a monster... a thought I can't manage to wrap my head around.

“I’m sorry for what Tobias went through, but Marcus treats me as his equal. He thinks I have potential.” 

I roll my eyes. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You know what he’s done, but you’re okay with it.”

Ethan’s the one who’s had enough. He stands and fixes his grey slacks. “I believe it’s time for you to leave, Amalia.” 

I stand and place my hands on his shoulders. Now with me in front of him, the incline makes me taller than him again. “I know you’re smarter than this, Ethan. You don’t want to be like them. There’s so much you can do here, but being a leader isn’t something you really want.” 

He studies me for a long moment before clearing his throat. Gently, he takes my hands off his shoulders to let them fall back to my sides. “Thank you for visiting, Amalia. But I think it’ll be for the best if we don’t speak for a little while.” Rather than our usual goodbyes, he nods and walks off towards the initiate housing before I can have the last word. 

I feel like someone just punched me in the stomach, like all the wind has been knocked out of me. Tears begin to sting my eyes. Not only does he not want me here, he doesn't want to see me at all for who knows how long.

And I have no one else to blame but this faction and their leaders. Just like how the Dauntless want to control their members, Abnegation alters their members just as much with them nurturing them into selfless drones. 

Knowing well enough that I could burst into tears at any given moment, I start back towards the main entrance of the Sector to head to the train tracks. I don’t think about the people I push out of my way, or that I again see Marcus Eaton watching me from a distance. I just need out. 

It feels like I can finally catch my breath when I can’t see a sea of grey anymore. I lean against a bricked wall for a moment to let the emotions settle. 

Anger. Humility. Sadness. 

Part of me wishes I showed Ethan some support, but the other part of me knows he is one of the people who takes “faction before blood” too literally. 

Maybe I should do the same. Break all my ties with Abnegation. 

“Amalia?” A familiar voice calls from in front of me. I raise my bowed head to see Natalie Prior walking towards me, fixing her bun that seems to be out of place. 

“Oh,” I stand up straight and wipe my nose, “hi, Natalie. Nice to see you again.” 

She studies me in her motherly way, reminding me of my own mother who I wish was still here. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfill my promise longer than expected. Ethan has his own way of thinking, as you may have seen from your visit.” 

I nod. “Did you go to see Tris in Dauntless? I’m sure she would’ve liked a friendly face.” Just like how I thought Ethan would. 

She can’t help but grin at the sound of her daughter’s name. “I did. She’s grown into a beautiful woman after this last week and a half.”

There’s a long silence between us, I can tell there’s something she’s keeping secret by the way her eyes scan the area around us. 

“Amalia, I need you to promise me what I promised you that day two years ago. I need you to keep an eye on her.”

Worry is written across her face now. Is there something she knows that I don’t? 

“I promise,” I nod again without giving it a second thought. I can’t help but ask the question. “Is there something going on that I should worry about?” 

Natalie studies me again, but ends in a grin. “Thank you for your promise. Be brave, Amalia.” She sets a hand on my shoulder before continuing her walk towards Abnegation. 

I turn to watch her for a few moments, confused by what just happened. 

...

“He said what?” Tara asks in surprise. 

The three of us sit in our living room, not caring about the time of night. Especially when it comes to “boy talk”. 

“What was his tone? Did he sound mad? Maybe he was just in one of his moods” Mia asks through a yawn. 

I sigh, pushing my hair back. “He was watching one of the fights when I walked into the room. I guess he could’ve been distracted.” I leave out the part where I admit he was right. 

“Men are so infuriating” Tara shakes her head, gripping the throw pillow in her lap. 

“You should sleep on this, Mal. Try to talk to him tomorrow,” Mia nods as if she’s trying to convince herself. 

“No, he should go to her,” Tara narrows her eyes on me, “do not by any means talk to him first.” 

I look back and forth at the two of them, more confused now to hear where they stand in an argument that doesn’t include them. This is why I only tell them the smaller details of our relationship even though they’re my closest friends besides Tobias. 

“I’ll see how I feel tomorrow I guess," I sigh, leaning my head against my arm propped on the top of our couch. 

They go into a discussion about misogyny when there’s a loud knock on the door. I’m about to stand to answer when Tara beats me to it. 

“It’s like two in the morning, who could be up?” Mia sinks into the chair with a blanket over her. 

Tara opens the door and we can hear a very sarcastic chuckle release from her. “The nerve you have coming here.” 

I turn to see who it is but she’s blocking the way. Holding the door open just a few inches but there’s enough space for her to send a physical message. 

“Please, Tara. I need to speak to her. It’s urgent” Tobias pleads. But Tara doesn’t move. 

I sigh and walk over, giving her a grin. “It’s okay, Tar. I’ll give him hell if he tries anything.”

She looks at me to Tobias for a moment then backs away. “I’m watching you,” she gestures to him before I take her place. 

He looks worried and pissed off. And a bit out of breath from probably walking all over the compound. “They need you down in the initiates dormitory.” 

I don’t question what he says. It’s clearly important if he’s here this time of night. In a rush, I pull on my boots and one of his hoodies that I keep close then keep in his stride as we walk towards the dormitory. 

“What happened?” I ask after a few minutes. 

“Edward, one of the Erudite kids. He was stabbed in the eye” he glances at me. 

I scoff. “No one just gets stabbed in the eye. It must’ve been planned.”

“That’s what I think. I already checked on him and talked to Max, but I think you should see the aftermath for yourself.”

We softly push on the doors to the dorms, it looks just as it did two years ago when Tobias and I were just a bed away. A few people are asleep, but the majority look bewildered by what they just witnessed. I look down towards a wiping noise to find Tris trying to clean up the blood. 

“How long have they been like this?” I glance at Tobias. He looks uncomfortable trying to decide whether he should say something or not. 

“An hour, maybe more. It’s hard to pinpoint when Zeke came to my door earlier,” he shrugs. 

I look around again, moving out of the way when someone passes by with paper towels in their hands. Christina. 

“They said Tris was the one who helped Edward stay calm, and now she’s trying to clean up,” Tobias mumbles to me. I watch her thank Christina for the towels, not even looking up from the puddle of blood and the red dyed towels piling beside her. 

I give Tobias a grin of reassurance before walking over to Tris, patting my hair down that I didn’t have the chance of fixing. Slowly I go into a crouch beside Tris in between two of the bunks. 

“Hey,” I watch her work, “need any help?” Whoever slept next to Edward vacated to a different bed, but I also take note that three beds haven’t been slept in yet. They’re still made from this morning. 

Tris glances at me with a sniffle, shaking her head. “No thank you. I like the work.” 

I bite the inside of my cheek, setting my chin on my knees. “It was very brave of you to step forward when no one else did, you should know that.” 

“It wasn't brave. I saw that he needed help, so I did. I guess it’s the Abnegation in me.” Another towel is added to the pile beside her. Christina notices and leaves the dorms to go get some more. 

“If you ever need to talk, the social worker offices are in the hallway right before the infirmary,” I raise back to my feet and wipe my sweating palms on my pants. 

I see Will and Al talking in hushed voices, sitting where Christina once was. I glance at the rest of the group before taking a seat beside Will. 

“What happened exactly?” I ask Will, he’s the one I know the best out of the two. I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to Al yet. 

“There was a scream. The lights went on. Myra was in shock at the sight of Edward on the floor with a butter knife in his eye. Tris was the one who actually went over to hold his hand until a few guards came to take him to the infirmary,” Will stares off into the distance. 

“Every time I try to shut my eyes, it’s all I can see. The blood,” Al mumbles, rubbing his hands on his thighs anxiously. 

I nod, picturing the trauma they all had to witness after a day that was meant to be happy. “Do you know who did it?” 

Will glances at Al then to me, leaning in close to my ear. “It was Peter. We all know it, he’s a psychopath.” 

I can’t say I’m surprised at his assumption. Peter seems as vile as Eric, I wouldn’t be surprised if Peter was another Erudite mole. 

Though it wont exactly enough, I give them the same reassurance as I gave Tris before standing up to leave them be.

“This wouldn’t have happened,” Tobias mumbles to me when I join him in the hallway, “if there weren't cuts. Edward was one of the best initiates we had.”

“Is one of the best,” I correct, “he can still fight with one eye.” 

He looks at me narrowly, shaking his head. “He told me himself, he and Myra are going factionless.” 

“But,” I sigh, “they have to know their options.” 

“They seemed determined to leave, I don’t think they wanted to stay, anyways. Knowing there was someone in their group who was willing to kill for their spots. Edward was first in the ranks.” 

I begin to pace in front of him, my hands balled in fists. “It’s amazing how one person can manage to screw everything up.” 

“Don’t forget, he wasn’t alone.” Eric is a puppet for Jeanine, she’s constantly tugging on his strings. 

“You’re right,” I stop and lean against the wall, “you’re always right.”

He cocks an eyebrow. “What happened in Abnegation?” 

I’ve been trying to push Ethan’s face out of my head, but here he is again. Eager to leave me to continue a life he wasn't truly fit for.

“Nothing you probably haven’t predicted,” I mumble, turning for the doors. I was right to believe I wasn’t ready to talk about this yet with him. "Goodnight, Four.” 

“Mal, wait,” he starts after me but I close the door on his nose.


	7. Seven

I walk into the office the next day later than usual, not caring about the long speech Corinna will give me for not coming in on time. Or to remind me that people were waiting for my help; that I had an obligation and swore to be there for those who needed me. 

“Amalia,” Henry pokes his head from his office, the next room from mine. “There’s someone waiting for you. We tried to get him to come in later and make an appointment, but he insisted.” 

For a moment, I think of Tobias. Even though I didn’t want to discuss what happened yesterday we rarely go this long without talking. I’ve spent years seeing him every day, happy or not. 

“Thanks,” I grin before turning into my office to be welcomed by a tall figure slouching in one of the chairs in front of my desk. 

“Al,” I say a bit surprised, “I didn’t expect to see you here. Were you waiting long?” 

He looks up towards me to reveal the puffiness under his eyes, there’s a red tint in his cheeks. “You said to come here if we needed to talk. And I think... I think I do.” 

After closing the door behind me, I sit in my chair and set my bag on the floor. My hands fold into one another as I lean across the desk a bit. 

There’s a long silence. I watch him scan the floor, trying to find the right words. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he hasn’t slept in days.

“I...” he starts, meeting my eyes. “I feel like I’m failing.” 

“What do you feel like you’re failing at?” It’s a stupid question, of course I know. 

“Initiation. At first they said I had high potential, but now I’m one of the last people in the ranks. I’m going to get cut after stage two, I know it.” His large hand runs through his messy hair. 

“I’ve seen you fight, you’re good. Your instructor tells me you were the first person out of all the initiates to knock someone out.” 

“That’s why I refused to get back up after a single hit. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. And now it’s cost me a decent rank.” 

I sigh, scooting into the desk more. “Al, that isn’t your fault. It’s the barbaric side of Dauntless that becomes more competitive every year. I’m sorry about your rank, I didn’t do well my year either, but I’m sure things will get better for you.” 

Al raises his shaking head. “I couldn’t even see my parents yesterday. I heard they were looking for me but I hid. I’m a coward.” 

That word stings more than most. It’s the word Tobias called himself, how I felt for a long time. “You’re nowhere near being a coward. Never call yourself that.” 

“I just don’t know what I’d do if I become factionless...” he cradles his head in his hands. 

I stand and silently walk to his side, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “You won’t become factionless, Al. You’ll learn as time goes on. I promise.” 

Our eyes meet again, his cheeks are wet from tears. “I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry.” He gets up so fast that the chair falls behind him, swerving around me to pass through the door. 

I stand confused, my hand still in midair. That wasn’t the “breakthrough”, as Corinna would say, I was hoping to have with him. 

Henry looks into my office as confused as I feel. “What was that about?” His eyebrows furrow. 

“I... don’t know” I say in a low voice.


	8. Eight

I’m awoken by slamming on the door of my shared apartment. I fell asleep reading on the couch again, the others must be in the Pit like how they usually are at night. It’s not that late, I just decided to have some time to myself. 

“Please be home, please be home, please be home,” I hear mumbling behind the door. I’m finishing tugging my hair into a top knot when I let the door open; Tobias stands before me with a panicked face. Catching his breathe again from wherever he ran from. 

“What happened?” I ask, ready to grab my jacket hanging an arms length away. 

He wipes his head, letting himself into the apartment and closing the door behind him. 

“Are you alone?” He asks as quietly as he can manage. 

“Yeah... what’s this about, Tobias?” My arms cross over my chest. We still haven’t talked since Edward’s accident. It feels strange yet comforting to have him here again. 

“I went through Max’s files,” he takes a step closer, “I think it’s time to go.” 

We sit in my bedroom with the chair under the handle. He tells me about the files; the shipments of weapons, syringes and a serum neither of us have heard of before. How their target is Abnegation. 

I pace the small walking area of the room, my hands clasped together behind my neck. “What does this mean? Guns, another serum? Are they trying to control us for something?” 

“They’re going to attack Abnegation... for what? What’s there that they want, if that’s what this is all about?” Tobias asks quietly. His leg won’t stop bouncing. 

“I don’t know what to think,” I groan. All this not knowing makes my head strain, the unanswered questions piles on top of each other. 

“We have to go. For good,” Tobias stands, setting his hands on my shoulders. “You know this is what we’ve been waiting for, Mal. We need to get out before it’s too late.” 

I study his blue eyes, sinking into them. “I don’t think I can.” 

His eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean you can’t? We’ve had this planned for two years and you’re backing out now?” 

“It’s not because of me,” I shake his hands off, “I made a promise to Natalie Prior to keep Tris safe. She did what she could with Ethan, I was obligated to make the same promise for her.” 

He looks confused for a moment as he thinks this over, pushing his black hair back. It’s shiny from something wet, either sweat or rain. “She’s Divergent. I’ve been meaning to tell you since the start of stage two.” 

My heart sinks to my stomach. I feel like I could throw up. “We can’t leave her behind, Tobias. Whatever’s happening involves her too.“ 

“So what does this mean? Should we tell her what we know? That we’re like her?” His voices raises. 

I throw my hands up in a defeated notion. I feel my cheeks stinging from how warm they feel. “I don’t know!” I almost shout. “I don’t know what to do.” 

I brush past him to sit on the bed, sinking my face in my lap and letting out a groan. Tobias sits next to me but keeps his hands to himself. “I’m sorry for what I said on Visiting Day. I didn’t mean to come off rude, you know how I am. How I can be.” 

A long moment passes before I sit back up and wipe my nose. “He didn’t want to see me. At least he didn’t until I found out he’s working with Marcus to become part of the council.” 

Tobias looks at me stunned, shaking his head. “I’m more surprised they didn’t call the Dauntless patrol on you for assaulting a leader.” 

A grin almost dares to appear, but I keep it down. “I was close, but didn’t want to get into any trouble outside of the compound.” I look at him with a sigh. But out of nowhere, tears begin to roll. “He told me he didn’t want to see me for a while, which translates to never again,” he dabs the wet away with his warm thumb, “you were right. I hate to admit it, but you were right.”

Tobias scoots closer, wrapping an arm around my torso and presses a kiss against my cheek. “I’m sorry” he mumbles, continuing to swipe the tears away. 

I look at him with a sniffle, placing my hand on his cheek. He weighs into it, closing his eyes for a moment to embrace my touch. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to give you the cold shoulder for this long.” 

“It’s only been two days,” he mumbles. Leaning in to press a kiss against my lips. 

“Feels longer,” I whisper back, moving my arms so they’re around his neck. His hands move to hold my waist. 

“I love you, you know,” he looks into my eyes when we pull apart, our foreheads against each other. 

“I love you, too,” I grin, rubbing my nose against his. 

“I’m going to send a message to Evelyn to arrange a meeting, maybe she knows something we don’t. And I want you to come.” 

I pull my forehead away from his, “do you really believe having me come is a good idea?” 

“Like I said- you’re part of this, too,” he sighs, “we’ll figure this out. We’re so close."


	9. Nine

Tobias and I sit with our backs against the last car of the train. Watching the city go by through the door as we wait for his mother’s arrival. 

From what I know, they’ve been sending letters back and forth since they’ve met in person during our initiation year, but haven’t met since. I worry that I may scare her off, that I might say the wrong thing after seeing her after all these years. 

“Are you actually nervous?” Tobias asks over the wind, one of his arms is around his knees while the other is slung across my shoulders. 

I look at him with a shrug, biting my lower lip. “I haven’t seen her since we were six, Tobias. It feels like I’m little again.”

He grins, placing a kiss against my cheek. “It’ll be a short meeting, don’t worry.” 

A few minutes pass by when a person starts running alongside the train. The two of us stand to watch, a flash of black clothes jumps onto the train with only a moment of stumble- she could pass as Dauntless if it weren’t for her mismatched clothes; Amity boots, an Erudite dress and a Dauntless jacket. All different but they compliment each other. 

Tobias stands in front of me, holding my hand behind his back. As if he knows how she’d react when she notices me. 

“Hello,” she greets, a grin appearing across her face. I feel like I’ve transported back to when we were little and she would sit on the doorsteps watching us play before Marcus came home. 

“Hi,” Tobias replies, his hand tightening around mine. 

“Every time I see you, you’re bigger,” she chuckles, “I guess there’s no point in worrying that you’re eating well.” 

“Could say the same for you, but for different reasons.” 

Her dark eyes, his eyes, glance at me when she notices me move from behind him. She takes a step back. 

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Tobias?” She asks in a friendlier tone. 

I take a breath and take a step to reveal myself, letting go of his hand for the time being. “Hello, Evelyn” I try a grin. 

She studies me for a long moment, like she recognizes me from somewhere but can’t place my name. 

“Amalia," she finally says, letting the grin turn into a smile, “I didn’t think you would’ve become part of Dauntless too.” 

I glance at Tobias who keeps his stern face; it reminds me that he arranged this meeting for a specific reason. “Neither did I, but your son gave me enough courage to leave that life behind.” 

She glances at the two of us in a questionable way; speculating our relationship, no doubt. “Are you two-“ 

“-We brought you some food,” Tobias cuts her off, taking off the backpack he brought along to offer to her. “Bland soup and vegetables, but it’s better than nothing.” 

“Who says I need your help? I’m doing just fine, you know," she says in a careful, soft voice. 

“Yeah, that’s not for you. It’s for all your skinny friends. If I were you, I wouldn’t turn down food.”

I nudge him, hoping whatever expression he sees in me signifies for him to calm down. We both know she means well, there’s no need to be rude- even though she left him with an abuser, but that’s beside the point. 

“I’m not,” she takes the bag, “I’m just not used to you caring. It’s a little disarming.” 

“I’m familiar with the feeling,” he speaks coldly. “How long was it before you checked in on my life? Ten years?” 

Evelyn sighs, taking a short breath. “If you came here just to start this argument again, I’m afraid I can’t stay long.” 

“No,” he surrenders, bowing his head. “No, that’s not why I asked you to come here.” 

I watch Evelyn closely as Tobias gives her the new information; the maps, the shipments. How Dauntless are poisoning the minds of their members against our former faction. I was waiting for shock, but she remained still- as if she knew everything before Tobias mentioned it. 

“Did you see any indication of when this might happen?” She asks after a moment. 

“No,” he shakes his head. 

“How about numbers, how large a force do Dauntless and Erudite intend to use? Where do they intend to summon it from?” 

Tobias makes a frustrated face. “I don’t know,” he mumbles at first but raises his voice, “I don’t really care, either. No matter how many recruits they get, they’ll mow down the Abnegation in seconds. It’s not like they’re trained to defend themselves- not like they would even if they knew how, either.” 

“I knew something was going on,” Evelyn says, furrowing her brow. “The lights are on at Erudite headquarters all the time now. Which means that they’re not afraid of getting in trouble with the council leaders anymore, which … suggests something about their growing dissent.”

“Okay,” I speak up, feeling just as frustrated as Tobias looks, “how do we warn them?” 

Evelyn looks at me with the same face Tobias has, it’s scary how similar their details are. “Warn who?” 

“The Abnegation!” Tobias catches up, I have to put my hand on his to keep him from trying to hurt her. “How do we warn the Abnegation that they’re going to be killed, how do we warn the Dauntless that their leaders are conspiring against the council, how—”

Something is wrong with her reaction towards everything; I think Tobias and I realise what’s different at the same time. 

“You knew,” I mumble over the wind, “you knew they were planning something like this, and from what I’ve heard- you’ve known for a while. You’re counting on this attack.” 

“I have no lingering affection for my former faction. I don’t want them, or any faction, to continue to control this city and the people in it,” Evelyn says. “If someone wants to take out my enemies for me, I’m going to let them.”

My hand grips his arm tightly, he should be the one holding me down now. I take a step closer to her, though there’s still a distance between us. “They’re not all like Marcus, Evelyn. They’re defenseless. They need our help.”

“You can’t be this naïve,” she looks towards Tobias, “both of you. You think they’re so innocent, you don’t know them. I know them, I’ve seen them for who they really are.” 

I know exactly what she means, but I stand my ground. “I don’t speak for Tobias, but I know what they’re like. They knew about what my father did to me before he killed himself. My mother constantly asked for help but no one gave it to her. I’m sorry for how they treated you, and Tobias. But the ones who are oblivious to what others do still deserve our help.” I don’t notice until this moment that his heavy hand is set on my shoulder, my hands are balled into fists. 

I share the same rage as she does, I just have more of a heart to save them. 

“You see what I mean, Amalia. They constantly lie, they faked my death rather than telling my son the truth. The helpless cannot be helped.” 

I glance at Tobias to see he’s thinking everything over. That it didn’t occur to him until now that Abnegation is full of people who hide secrets from one another. I’ve known all along. 

“Think about it,” Evelyn says, directly at Tobias. “Are those people—the kind of people who would tell a child that his mother was dead just to save face—are they the ones you want to help? Or do you want to help remove them from power?”

What sort of mind games is she trying to use on him? I can’t help but feel appalled by what she’s saying, what she’s repeating. 

Rather than answering, Tobias drops his hands and jumps out of the train when we begin to pass a platform. I look at Evelyn with one last look. 

“It was nice seeing you again, Amalia.” She waves, giving a smile that sends chills up my spine. 

I nod as a goodbye before jumping out of the train just as the platform ends. 

How am I supposed to react to someone who is willing to let a community of innocent—mostly innocent— people die for whatever reason the Dauntless and Erudite have? 

Even worse, the look Tobias gives me is conflicted.


	10. Ten

I dream of Abnegation. My mother brushing my hair, Ethan crawling across the floor. “You need to take care of your brother, always,” she’d remind me. “I know, Momma. Always” I’d reply. But instead of listening to the humming she’d make while pinning my hair up, she begins to vanish. I reach for her, but it’s just dust on my fingers. I look for Ethan, but he’s crawled out of the room. Marcus stands there now, picking the baby up into his arms before slamming the bathroom door closed. Locking it from the outside. I slam my body constantly against it, but I’m back to my frail self. I have no muscle to break a door, to throw whatever I can find. Nothing's working. A whaling plea for someone to open the door screams through my mouth. I’m suddenly small again, five or six. 

Smack. Smack. Smack. 

I bolt up from my bed, my chest moving up and down rapidly. More smacking noises echo into the apartment. At first, I think I’m still dreaming, but I realize it’s real. Someone’s at the door. 

“I’m coming!” I call out to whoever it is, barely able to open my eyes all the way. I’m pulling on a pair of shorts with my hand on the handle, twisting it enough to crack open but I’m quickly pushed aside. 

“Is Mia here?” Tobias asks with concern, there’s a figure in his arms. A person. Tris. 

My eyes are wide open now. 

She’s bruised and bleeding, looking even smaller in Tobias’s arms. 

“She’s not here. I’m alone,” I set my hand on my forehead as I try to collect myself. “What happened?” I begin to feel frantic, I’ve never been this sort of situation. 

Tobias sets Tris down on my bed, pulling the blanket over her. He whispers something before walking back out. 

“Tobias,” I gasp, “your hands. They’re covered in blood.” 

“I was leaving the control room when I heard a scream. I saw that three people were gathered around the railing at the Chasm, dangling Tris. Her face was covered so she couldn’t see. I didn’t know what else to do.” His hands are shaking when I take them gently to examine. 

I can’t help but wrap my arms around him, holding him against me as he wraps his arms around my waist. I feel him deflate and put his weight into me. “I know this isn’t the best time, but I’m glad you were there for her,” I whisper. 

“It could’ve been so much worse,” he sighs. “Do you have any ice packs? She needs one for her head.” 

I pull away from him and nod, waking into the kitchen. He follows behind me, turning on the faucet and covering his hands in soap to scrub the blood away. 

“Did you get a good look at who they were? You had to recognize them.” I hold an ice pack in my hand, letting it thaw a bit in a towel. 

“I only saw Drew’s face. But the other had to be Peter, and I think... the other one was Al.” He looks at me with a heavy sigh. 

“Al? I thought they were-“ 

“-friends? I thought so, too. But she was first on the ranks, they must’ve felt intimidated.” 

“So if you only saw Drew, did the other two run away before you came?” 

“Yeah,” he holds the bridge of his nose, “I beat him up a bit harsher than I should’ve.” 

“Meaning...?” I start to walk out of the kitchen. 

“He’s in the infirmary,” he glances at me again. 

I sigh, shaking my head. “I’ll go get this to her then I’ll bring out the first aid kit for your knuckles. We’re not done with this conversation.” 

There’s so much more I need to know, but Tris is our first priority. 

I knock on the open door before entering, the towel becoming damp.

“Hey,” I grin at her, she’s staring somewhere across the room. “I brought you an ice pack for your head.” 

When I’m next to the bed, I hear her sniffle. “Thank you," she mumbles. 

Tris allows me to place the ice pack under her, she must’ve fell on it or hit the railing. But it's not the time to ask for the gory details.

“We can report this, you know. Those boys don’t deserve to walk these halls without thinking there won’t be any consequences for their actions.” I sit at the end of the bed, her feet barely reach this part. “If there’s one thing about Dauntless, it’s that we’re good at intimidating those who think they’re powerful.”

“No,” she says sternly, “I don’t want them to think I’m scared.” 

“I understand that,” I sigh. I stand up to walk over to the dresser. Pulling out the bottom drawer, where I kept the smaller clothes I don’t fit in anymore. I pull out a shirt and soft pair of pants for her, folding them at the end of the bed. “During my year, I didn’t tell anyone that there was a fight between me and one of the other initiate transfers. I just told my friends the bruises were from a fall, the split knuckles were from the punching bags.” 

“And it worked?” Tris asks, watching me carefully. 

“Barley. But they didn’t ask any more questions, that’s what I liked most about them.” 

I sit back down, holding my hands on top of my lap. “You know, you can let yourself be in pain. I won’t judge you, neither will Four.” I noticed how she hid her quivering lip under the blanket. 

“How do you get over it?” She asks quietly. 

“Get over what?” I mumble back. 

“That people are constantly out to hurt you?” 

I take a long moment, not so sure myself. “You don’t,” I reply simply, “you just learn to adapt. You grow from it.” 

“I remember you, you know.” I glance at her. “I remember you visiting Abnegation a few years ago, my mother spoke to you.”

I think back to that day. “So you were the one watching from the window,” I chuckle. “We only lived a few streets away from each other.” 

“Didn’t my mother baby sit you a few times?” 

I nod. “She’s always been kind to me. Gave me snacks, cleaned up a few scraped knees.” 

“That sounds like her,” she pauses, “I miss her.” 

A quiet sob releases through her, the blanket covering her entire face. All the pain she’s feeling has to be sinking in now; the trauma she just went through was worse enough. No one deserves to be threatened and treated the way those boys treated her. 

“I’m so sorry this happened to you.” I whisper, knowing it’s not enough but it’s all I can do. 

I wait to leave until her breathing is leveled, knowing she fell asleep. The door closes behind me gently enough not to disturb her.

Tobias is waiting on the couch, staring at the wall. I go to the closet next to my door and take out one of the many emergency medical kits Mia keeps around the apartment. “You never know,” she would say. 

“Is she okay?” Tobias asks when I sit beside him. I open the case and set a few supplies on the coffee table; bandages, tape, ointment. 

“I think she will be. You should give her one of your inspirational speeches when she wakes up." I open the tube of cream, placing his hand on my thigh so I can begin to work. 

“Inspirational speeches? Is that what you call my rambling?” I feel his eyes on me, I try to keep myself from looking up. 

“She most likely trusts you more than me. I’ve only talked to her a few times, you’ve had more time to bond as her instructor.” 

“I’m sure your time will come,” he sighs, “but fine. I’ll come with something.” 

I cover his knuckles with bandages, taping it down then move over his other hand for me to replicate my work. “So you think it’s because of the rankings?” 

“It’s the most logical explanation. They saw her as an easy target rather than someone to be afraid of. But she is stronger than them, they just constantly underestimate her.” 

I look at him with a sigh, not caring about the distraction this time. “She doesn’t want you to report them.” 

He nods, using his bandaged hand to push his hair back. “I figured. It’ll show that she isn’t as vulnerable as they would’ve thought.” 

When I’m done tapping his hand, I set the supplies back in the box and lock the latches. “So you couldn’t sleep?” I ask while putting the kit back into the closet. 

He studies me, eyes squinting. “How’d you know?” 

“You always take walks when you can’t sleep," I grin with one of the heavier blankets we keep stored in my arms, “just like how I read when I can’t sleep.”

“I still don’t understand how you can reread those manuals.” He kicks off his shoes and settles into the couch, room for me to lay beside him. 

“Make fun of me all you want,” I open the blanket to drape over the two of us when I take my place, “but you’ll be coming to me if there’s a fire or if someone’s choking.” 

I feel his heartbeat against my back, his chest moving up and down faster than usual. I wish I knew what to say to him about what he’s done, but I still can’t find the right words. 

My head uses his arm as a pillow, his other arm wraps around my waist securely. I feel the bandage against my stomach, it moves as I exhale. 

“I love you,” I mumble; hoping it’s enough. For now.

Tobias’s head sits on a pillow on top of the arm rest, his body taking up most of the couch but we mold into one another nicely. I feel his breaths against my ear, a small kiss is placed on the upper part of my jaw. “I love you, too,” he mumbles. 

Tonight, the light stays on.

**Author's Note:**

> like last time, i really want to put out there that i'm sorry if my story sounds like someone else's - it was never my intention. this time around i did use a lot of scenes from the actual story, but nothing from someone else's interpretation of divergent. i also want to apologize for spending the majority of this fic on making friends with tris <3


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